Umm… What Day Is It?
My fight against Egobuttiteous Infestation is still ongoing but I am gaining ground. I’ve been told that there is a problem with the pronunciation of Egobuttiteous. It’s (ee-go-but-tie-tus), and refers to a “Cranial Cavity Gray Matter Infestation” from direct contact with “Over-Inflated-Asinine-Starving Ego-Feeble Minded-Thick Skulled-Neanderthal Butt Heads.” Egobutts, for short, are everywhere so beware not to let them get too close and for god’s sake don’t feed them!
The easiest way to defend yourself against attack is to look them straight in the eyes, cross your index fingers in front of you, like in the vampire movies, and repeat out loud three times:
“Egobuttiteous!”
“Egobuttiteous!”
“Egobuttiteous!”
This stuns them long enough for you to get away or to pop them in the forehead with a rubber band, water bottle, spit ball, or crumpled up paper cup! No matter how much you want to, DO NOT use rocks, tree limbs, hammers, or bricks as these will get you into a lot of trouble with the Egobutt Police! Yeah Egobutts have rights too!
Anyways, fighting Egobuttiteous can be very tiring and cause lethargic like symptoms when performing normal day to day tasks, like shopping for instance. At least that’s the way it seemed these last couple of weeks, or maybe there’s other gray matter infestations yet to be identified… let’s get the pick-axe, enter the Caverns and explore this further.
“TINK-TINK-TINK-TINK” AHA!
There appears to be at least two infestations not yet covered in my articles. Actually I did touch on these somewhat but never really categorized them for your protection.
The first one is:
- “Holadaitrius” (haul-uh-day-tree-us)
We will call these infested people “Holdacians”. (haul-day-she-uns)
These Holdacians have an uncontrollable desire to infest us with their hideous holiday decorations way before the holiday in question is even close. You’ll find that most of these poor infected souls work in your malls, department, drug, and grocery stores. You’ll know where they live because their houses are completely surrounded by Holdacian Yard Crap!
These people are generally harmless but very crafty in their ability to infect the rest of us. In case some of you hadn’t noticed, by the end of August Halloween items started to be displayed in the stores. Then in September I noticed Halloween and Thanksgiving items on display.
Now in October I see Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas items everywhere! “What the…” To top it all off there’s even election items displayed right along with all the other crap!
This leads us to the second newly discovered gray matter infestation, this one is called:
- “Electotarium Disease” (elek-tow-tare-e-um)
Refer to these creeps as “Electacians”
(ee-lek-tay-shuns). The only good thing about Electacians is that they only crawl out from under their rocks every two to four years, sort of like cicadas, but more like snakes! These creepy little ignoramuses have the ability to convince you that their politician of choice is not a liar or a cheat… huh.
Once in your brain they will even convince you that the media is not bias and that you can trust everything you hear or see in the news. Oooo I shiver at the thought that some of you will fall prey to one of these diseases! I’ve got more work to do!
~ Snarp
