Tis The Season!
Merry Holiday Happy Ho-Ho’s to you and that’s as far as I go with the mushy stuff for this holiday season, so enjoy it!
During the next couple of weeks you will most likely be exposed to all sorts of holiday traditions. Most of these are very time consuming and it’s your job to find a way to do it all. There are some things you can do to use your time wisely.
Since you know it’s coming ahead of time, “Mushy Head Season” will suck a lot of time from your busy schedule; so you need to prepare to deal with it properly!
Mushy Heads come out of the woodwork this time of year. They always seem to sneak up on you during the holidays and pull some hideous act of kindness on you leaving you defenseless, and vulnerable to whatever else they may have in store for you.
Some of them are really greedy with your time, like the gabby type Mushy Head that brings you a plateful of your favorite cookies for instance.
Once under this type of Mushy Head spell you’re obligated to sit and try to decipher several minutes of Mushy Head gobblety-goop until they finally get to the punch line, “I just thought I’d stop by and do this for you”!
It’s a Mushy Head ploy, you see, because they know that you will not be able to refuse to listen to them for at least 10 minutes at a time! You, not wanting to be rude, are waiting for the punch line… and they know you are!
If they can get away with the first ten minutes then they quickly shoot for another ten, and then another, and then another until they’ve used up all the other mushy head’s time slots! That’s just greedy!
One thing you can do is to eat all of the cookies as fast as you can so the connection is lost and they have no reason to believe that you are still obligated to listen to them any longer.
Just do the “Cookie Monster” thing flinging cookie crumbs in all directions. This will cause the Mushy Head to pause long enough for you to make your escape, but you only have a few seconds so use your time wisely!
Hopefully for you the cookies at least taste good but for god’s sake do not under any circumstances say “MMM-M those are good cookies”, even if they are!
This will bring about at least another ten minutes of how their great-great-grandmother’s-second cousin’s-sister’s-great aunt Mable passed that recipe down from the 1800’s, bla-bli-bla-bli-bla-bla-bla.
See how that works? Mushy Heads are not bad people mind you. On the contrary they are usually very gentle and thoughtful human beings. That being said you can’t be mean or rude to one or they’ll start bawling which just adds to the time they need from you to get to the punch line, “I just thought I’d stop by and do this for you”.
Whatever type of Mushy Head you run into this season you are much better off trying to figure out how to get them to the punch line as quickly as possible without making them cry, or else risk becoming mushy yourself and end up riding around in the back seat of their minivan delivering cookies!
If you find yourself doing that, look me up, I’m running a little low, just make it quick!
~ Snarp
