It’s kind of funny sometimes when you are asked to describe something you normally take for granted. 

For instance, I was asked by a sort of swanky-high class-up-to-do lady about what my style of writing was… uhh… hmm… I’ll have to think about that one.

Then again while having a slightly alcohol induced tranquil conversation with “Q” and “Brutus” at our secret vacation encampment, clandestinely hidden deep within the hills of Pennsylvania, “Q” brought up the subject of “THONGS”… no not the kind you wear on your feet!

“Brutus” and I both looked at each other then instantly at “Q” to see if perhaps she had enough beers in her to maybe show us hers!  A lot of strange things can happen at camp and we’ve been waiting 10 years for this moment, but alas… no show, damn!

Anyways, when the thong conversation turned to… gulp… guy thongs, I know that “Brutus” has had to have worn one, at least once, because he stated how uncomfortable they were!

“Brutus you sly dog you!”

I must admit that I too was once talked into putting one on.  Hey it was a gift from a very sexy hot young lady… and it was silk… and, and passion purple… and, and vey soft… and, and kind of tingly… and, uhh… uhh, I swear I only wore it for her… in the bedroom, never in public… no really!

Uhh… ahem… now that I’ve absolutely exposed myself to public humiliation, let’s get back to the story… shall we?

As soon as Brutus made the claim of how uncomfortable thongs were for men to wear, lightning bolts started bombarding the walls of my cavernous mind, releasing what seemed like 414.5 super balls all bouncing around in my head as I tried to come up with the perfect depiction of how uncomfortable it is for a guy to wear a thong.

Well… the best way I can describe such an awkward sensation is for you to use your imagination for a moment.

Imagine a 70 year old, fat, bald headed midget bible school teacher, following you around with the four fingers of his right hand stuck between your butt cheeks, singing in a high pitched squeaky voice… “Go Tell It On The Mountain!”

No matter where you try to go the little scalawag is right there, fingers in the cheeks, hideously singing away!  “Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere…!”

You can twirl to the right, you can twist to the left, you can squirm all you want but he’s not going away!  “Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere…!”

His boney little wart fingers are stuck between your butt cheeks… very prickly, his repulsive singing voice is attracting attention from horrified onlookers… very awkward, you can’t sit down it just makes it worse… very uncomfortable!

So to sum it all up for you ladies out there, guy thongs are prickly, awkward, and uncomfortable, that’s why we don’t wear them… in public that is!

Whew… after that one I believe I can now describe my style of writing.  Something like “Intellectual Stupidity” Let’s just call it “Stupigence”!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com