Shutting Up!
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Some of you, my faithful readers, know that I write thesearticles at just minutes before press time. I can just picture the editors biting their nails as I write this, wondering if they’ll have to ask me for a rewrite, or if I’ll make it before press time. Heh heh. Such power should not be in the hands of just one man!
So what is currently lurking in the “Caverns”? No one knows… not even me. What treasures will we find? Hope you brought a flash light, it gets kind of dark in here.
One thing is assured, however, and that is you will forever be enchanted, your sanity revived, and you’ll be at least 10% smarter just for taking this journey with me… or not!
In a previous article, I gave you some “Snarp Twain” quotes and so I thought this time I’d give you some “Snarp Rogers” quotes.
1. Never kiss a man who’s chewing tobacco, unless you’re willing to spit.
2. Never lick a cow pie on a hot day… well umm never lick a cow pie on any kind of day, that’s just wrong!
3. There are 9 strategies for winning an argument with a woman… none of them ever work, so never miss a good chance to shut up.
4. If you do miss the chance to shut up then always drink upstream from her.
5. If you find yourself in a hole, learn to shut up and stop getting remarried.
6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it up and put it back in your pocket, or stop missing the chance to shut up!
7. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn when to shut up. The few who learn by watching others learn to shut up, and the rest of them have to be beat to a pulp to find out for themselves when to shut up.
8. If making good decisions comes from experience, and a most of that comes from making bad decisions, well then we’re ok!
9. If you think that you are finally getting ahead of the game, better take a good look at the rule book, you now owe more taxes.
10 Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than learning when to shut up.
Shopping is the art of convincing him to shut up, then give you money to spend he doesn’t have, for something you don’t need, and he’ll never get to use!
This one I just couldn’t defile, this one belongs to Will and Will alone.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral of the story: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Here’s just a little something extra for you I stumbled upon: On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Hmmm… eating pens? The economy must be worse than I thought!
Okay, one more, There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins. That really pisses me off… she’s hot!
Alright… I’ll shut up!
~ Snarp
