My buddy Brutus and his twin brother Crutus have been telling us all kinds of “deer fish stories” on how they just missed the “BIG ONE” by inches!

Hmmm… maybe they’re lying to us and have really bagged a couple dozen of the pointy headed critters and been hoarding all the venison for themselves, leaving the rest of us to continue to choke down all the concocted leftover thanksgiving turkey crap!

Jimmy Jingles thinks that they may have perfected the “O’Hearn’s Deer Roping Technique”! This is a true story by the way so keep that in mind as I tell you how it works.

It seems that Ole Chucky O’Hearn got this bright idea that he could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it corn for a couple of weeks to fatten it up, then kill it and eat it.

He figured since the deer on his farm allow him to get about 4 feet away without bolting, it shouldn’t be too difficult to rope one, throw a bag over its head to calm it down, hog tie it and then transport it home.

So he gets his gear together and sets out. When he approaches the spot of “deer encounter”, there are three deer just waiting for this wondrous adventure to begin. He steps forward picks one out and tosses the rope around its head.

The deer just stares at him as he tied the other end of the rope around his waist. He then decides to tug on the rope a bit to tighten it around the deer’s neck.

At this point the deer turns into a satanic beast and took off across the field with Chucky in tow! For the next 10 minutes it bucked and twisted and dragged poor Chucky all over the farm, only slowing occasionally when Chucky’s head would find a rock!

The beast finally stops and is tired enough for Chucky to try to get close and get the rope off of its neck and end this lovely adventure. Face bloodied from a big gash on his forehead and several lumps and bruises from the rocks and brush he’d been dragged through, Chucky reaches up with his left hand to loosen the rope.

The winded beast was only pretending to be tired you see, as soon as Chucky’s arm got within range it latched on to his wrist and proceeded to show him its impression of a Pitt Bull!

Being 10% smarter than the deer, well maybe 3%, he lets the evil critter continue to chew on his left arm as he reaches up with his right hand and removes the rope.

Now free from the rope instead of bouncing away and returning to a mild little Bambi like creature, this hellish beast rears up to show poor Chucky its impression of a pissed off horse!

Screaming like a little girl, Chucky turns to run away but the enraged beast whacks him on the back of the head knocking him down to the ground, then starts bouncing up and down on his back just beating poor Chucky to a pulp!

He finally crawls under his truck and the Bambi from Hell trots off frolicking through the brush, laughing its ass off no doubt!

Now Chucky knows why Brutus and Crutus use a rifle with a scope, and a deer stand… it’s to even the odds a little!

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com