In The Nick Of Time!
Two blondes walk into a bar… ”OUCH”! Sorry I couldn’t resist!
One of the greatest mysteries that men cannot solve is why, when they get drunk, someone creeps into their bedroom in the middle of the night, vomits on their clothes and pees in the closet!
I’m gonna set a trap for that creep!
Another great mystery is time… time has always fascinated me. For instance, what occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but not once in a hundred years? No not sex after marriage… the letter “m”!
Okay let’s get serious… well… almost.
What got me started on this whole time thing was getting my hands on all the episodes of “Star Trek Enterprise”. The third season was all about time travel and all the nasty things that could happen if it were possible.
Yes I’m a “Closet Trekky”, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in my right mind. You’ll know when I’m not in my right mind, because my left mind gets pretty crowded and I’ll write about stupid stuff… uh… well you’ll just have to deal with it!
Time travel could be very useful. For instance there never seems to be enough time when a woman is putting on makeup, yet plenty of it when you say something to her about it. Push a button and “whoosh” she’s done!
Or take a trip back to your wedding day and this time take up your best mans offer to GET YOU THE HELL OUT OF THERE!
You could also take a trip to when you were in the third grade and slip some “Wild Turkey” into your mean ole teachers’ coffee, then hide stuff from her and watch her have a nervous breakdown, and then just maybe, maybe she’d get some FRIGGEN HELP! Psycho!
Hey while you were still in that time you could also dress up like an alien, sneak into “Big Bully Billy’s” bedroom at night and threaten to vaporize his gonads if he doesn’t stop beating up little kids and stealing their lunch money, then watch him scream like a little girl! Priceless!
Yeah this could be cool! You could go back to several points in your past and leave yourself little notes to avoid all the stupid mistakes you’ve made, or to buy Microsoft and McDonald’s stocks when they first offered them!
You could go back and flatten your tires so you couldn’t get that DUI, super glue the dude’s lips closed that stole your girlfriend, drug yourself then give yourself “hickies” so you’d think you had scored the night before, better yet drug her give her “hickies” so she’d think you had scored the night before!
Of course these things could have an adverse effect on your future, like what would happen if you accidently went back in time to when you were conceived? You could be scared for life after seeing your parents naked! Having SEX? “AHHHHH!”
And what if they were frightened when they saw you trembling with fear, whimpering like a mad man, clawing at your eyes in the corner of their bedroom, and didn’t finish the job?
You wouldn’t exist, of course after an experience like that you wouldn’t want to!
~Snarp
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