After reading something online about how Home Land Security is hiring people to look for subliminal messages hidden in TV and radio commercials, I had to laugh.

“HA-HA-HA”, like that!

What… are they afraid they’re not the only ones doing it?  Hah!  I don’t watch television, but last week while frequenting a favorite pub, there were at least 6 Home Land Security commercials within a half hour on their TV, all spouting in monotone how wonderful they are.

Pretty music playing in the back ground, pretty pictures of blue skies over grassy fields with laughing, happy children jumping with joy in slow motion and a nice soothing nearly monotone female voice conveying the message:

“We are your friends… we want to protect you… we want to be nice to you… we want you to like us… invite us into your home… just don’t piss us off!”

What a load of bull shite!

I look around and what the… everyone else is just sitting there staring at the TV like mindless zombies sucking it all in!  I was waiting for them to start drooling so I could start passing out autographed bar napkins!

That way they’d know it was me that wanted to yell; “DON’T BE STUPID YOU MORONS!”, that’s an oxymoron that my buddy Brutus turns me on to every time I’m being stupid.

I shouldn’t have been surprised though, subliminal and hypnotic commercialism has been around for over a hundred years!

If you watch the tube, listen to the radio, read the news papers or magazines you are being hypnotized and subliminally manipulated on a daily basis.  No really!  I know you don’t believe me, but that’s okay, it’s all part of your programming so I still like you!

Well as you can already tell I had to get off this “soap box” before I really pissed someone off, so I went to see my friends Olive Oil and Brutus.

I can depend on Olive Oil’s somewhat stable mind and Brutus’s somewhat unstable sense of humor to keep me from losing myself in the caverns over this stuff.

I won’t mention subliminal, hypnotic or Home Land Security in any way so as to keep me out of those hideous subjects, that’s what I’ll do!

I always make some kind of joke about all the unfinished projects that Brutus has carried over into the New Year; it seems that every project he starts is just on a trial basis!  Hmmm… I’ve got some of those too!

That’ll be a good way to get my caverns in order.  If I’m lucky I’ll piss him off and he’ll throw a couple of his unopened MGD’s at me so at least I won’t go thirsty!  Bruised maybe… but not thirsty!

So I start jibber-jabbing about all the unfinished projects he has and new ones that I’d noticed and sure enough… he’s getting annoyed!

Hot Dog!  He’s reaching into his thirty pack… pulling out, not one, but two MGD’s!  Oh boy oh boy… okay I’m ready… what the…

Instead of throwing them at me he gently walks over and hands me one, then says, “Snarp, if I finish all these projects then Olive will have no reason to keep me around if I piss her off.”

“Hmm…” I said, “Sort of like HOME MAN SECURITY!”  Damn I blew it!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com