Going… Going… Lost!
Have you ever been so preoccupied or so hopelessly distracted that you failed inadvertently to retain something in such a manner that it is no longer in your possession and cannot be immediately recovered by you thus leaving you desperately bewildered as to which direction to begin searching or why you feel so ignorant as to where it may have been placed to begin with?
In other words have you ever lost anything?
Okay maybe that’s a stupid question but I’ve been accused of losing a lot of things in my life. Like keys, directions, time, thoughts, bargains, games, women, races, children, hair, hearing, eyesight, watches, balance, virginity, bets, opportunity, arguments, rhythm, fingertips, rings, condoms, money, sleep and even my place in line!
Some may argue that I must be a professional loser for losing all this stuff. Well even though that would be a perfect job for me, I do not get paid to lose things. However you may be able to persuade me to lose some things for you! For the right price that is and keep in mind that I’m not cheap!
Of all the things I’ve ever lost over the years, I have never, ever, ever, lost either of these two things… my life or my job!
No really!
Yet some lady in the drug store the other day argued with me that because I got laid off from work last week that I did indeed lose my job.
“NO… I did NOT lose my job!” I finally blurted out. “My idiot boss may have lost it but I know exactly where it is, I’m just not allowed to have it right now!”
“What e-v-e-r” she snorted walking away with her arm raised showing me the back of her hand!
I stood there dumbfounded for a second… I felt tingly all over… I… I believe that’s the first time that I can recall… yes I do believe that’s the very first time I can recall ever winning an argument with a woman!
Oh what elation… what sheer bliss… such an exhilarating ecstasy I’ve never experienced before! Purely euphoric, yes guys it’s purely euphoric!
Go ahead guys… envy me! I would if it happened to you! Go ahead do it…
AHHH… thanks!
That’s almost better than sex! Well it would have to be wouldn’t it; after all if you won an argument with your woman you probably aren’t going to be having sex with her for a while!
I am in the same boat as many of you are right now, but I have to warn you that I don’t like boats too much because I get sea sick so watch your shoes!
Okay so your idiot boss lost your job too! Just because it is not your fault does not mean it is not your problem! You can’t just go kick his ass though because you’ll go to jail and have to pay huge fines plus three bad mojo’s! But if you have the extra cash lying around… go get him tiger! Oh yeah take pictures… video preferred!
Hey you could sell tickets to help pay the fines, I’ll buy two! Oh wait… my idiot boss also lost my last two paychecks!
Kick his ass instead!
~ Snarp
