Since this issue will fall within St. Patrick’s Day I thought I’d attempt to demystify this whole Blarney Stone thing.

What the hell is it, and why do people go about kissing the damn thing?

I’ve always thought it was some odd looking blue stone found stuck in the sole of your boot while walking through a patch of four leaf clovers, on the third Tuesday of spring, following the first full moon!

In fact that was the story I was told by an Irish fella I met at a pub in California once!  He said if he was down on his luck, all he would have to do is pull it out of his pocket, give it a kiss, then walk into any pub and someone would buy him a pint.

Of course I wanted to see it but he wasn’t going to show it to me because… “No one else can touch it or it will lose its power, besides it has to be kept in the dark while recharging for its next use”. 

So we sit there talking about his adventure of finding this stone while sipping on our beers, and all the while I’m watching out of the corner of my eye as he keeps sticking his hand in his pocket to “see if it’s ready yet”.

Curiosity is getting the best of me, and then all of a sudden he slams down the rest of his beer, quickly reaches into his pocket, brings his hand up to his mouth and kisses it, then just as quickly puts his hand back into his pocket, then gathers up his things as if to leave.

“Hey wait!” I said, while motioning the bartender to give us each another beer, “Come on, just let me see it!” I pleaded, “I won’t touch it, I promise!”  I needed to know more!

“Well me boy” he says with a grin and sits back down, “As I told you it has to be kept in the dark while recharging, but if your quick enough you’ll be able to get a glimpse of it the next time I use it.”

Well I’d like to say I didn’t believe him, and I told him so, but all he had to do was motion with a nod of his head toward his new pint of beer that I just bought him to prove that it worked!  3 times!

That was a long time ago and I was young and stupid, now I’m older and stupid but still want to know where to get one… times are tough!

So I did some research and to my dismay, it turns out this Blarney Stone is a block of bluestone built into the top battlements of Blarney Castle in Ireland, like in the 1400’s.

That’s a pretty old stone and too big to put in your pocket!  In order to kiss it you have to be grasped by the ankles and dangled over a ledge, upside down and backwards to reach it!

That’s just wrong!

Yeah as it turns out every year millions of people, including world statesmen, literary giants and legends of the silver screen flock to the Blarney Castle to kiss the stone!

According to legend, kissing the Blarney Stone endows the kisser with great articulate eloquence or skill at flattery, in other words the gift of gab.  In plain English… lying!

That would explain a lot about the state of the economy.  I’d like to see a list of all the “stone kissers” that turn out to be senators, congressmen, presidents, and ex-girlfriends!

~Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com