Kinda Cheesy!
The following is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. (That would be me!)
I used the Peanuts cartoon characters to replace the names of the people in the story and used the names as the character fit their personality not necessarily gender. Enjoy!
I’m in the process of moving again but when I first moved here I lived in a one bedroom upstairs apartment and the neighbors were… shall I say… kinda cheesy.
The guy right below me, Lucy, was a Nam vet that was on the “crazy vet cheese checks”, as he put it, the girl next to him, Peppermint Pattie, was a recently paroled ex-con who was in prison for “selling drugs and stomping some chick”, as she liked to say with a gleam in her eyes, she was on the “mental cheese checks”!
Some new Spanish speaking lady with nine kids moved in next to Peppermint Pattie and she was on the “welfare cheese checks”! The guy who moved into the apartment across from me never left the apartment so he must be on some kind of “cheese check” too!
The guy across the way that lives in a trailer, Charlie Brown, was on the “mental cheese checks” too, and the lady in a cottage next to him, Marcie, was on the “disability cheese checks”!
Hey… that would be “cottage cheese checks” for her! Get it? Lives in a cottage… Cheese checks… Cottage Cheese…
Ooookay moving right along now, I’m starting to wonder what part of town I moved into! I felt left out! I would get this urge to go buy some cheese now and then, but that’s not the same is it?
They were all getting FREE cheese and I had to pay for mine, heck in a way I was paying for theirs too! Not one of them worked! Damn!
Aww I shouldn’t pick on them I guess, they were actually pretty nice people. Peppermint Pattie kept giving me candles, not sure what message she was trying to convey with those. Maybe she was afraid when she’s all jibbed up on her meds she’d burn the apartments down trying to light them so she gave them to me!
Lucy was… was… Lucy was weird! He liked to intimidate people but when he realized he didn’t scare me he warmed up to me… hmm that sounds gay, he befriended me yeah that sounds better, he befriended me but I wouldn’t turn my back on him for a second!
Marcie, I never saw Marcie with her clothes on! Err… umm I never saw her fully dressed… ooo that don’t sound right either! She always wore pajamas and a robe and slippers, even when she was gardening, so she says.
I would NOT want to see her naked… she’s like all out of proportion, I’m thinking things aren’t where they’re suppose to be any more!
Then there’s Charlie Brown… Charlie Brown was one of those really nice guys, who would literally take his shirt off and give it to you if you ask him for it. I saw him do it when Peppermint Pattie told him she liked his T shirt, he took it off and gave it to her!
She gave it right back of course and told him to “wash it first please”! Heh… and he did! He’s just that kind of person! Or maybe he was scared to death she’d set him on fire!
Well if you ever come to (CENSORED) don’t bring any cheese, there seems to be plenty of that here!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Frustration…I Love It!
“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! OH COME ON NOW! YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY DRIVE THAT CAR WITH BOTH HANDS FLIPPING ME OFF OUT THE WINDOW!”
Heh-heh… okay… that’s better, oh… uh… sorry I was… umm… just giving some driving instructions to the… uh… nice grey haired lady in front of me, who seems to be having a problem holding on to that steering wheel!
No really… I have been striving to curb my verbal road rage a little, since my buddy Brutus took notice and told me that “Anger is not the answer!”
When Brutus, the once king of verbal road rage, tells me something I listen, because when we first met he said he wanted to crush my skull and eat my brain, and not necessarily in that order!
Either way, I figured, it was gonna hurt!
So when he told me that anger is not the answer… well I listened, but I just don’t get it, but I didn’t tell HIM that!
I mean my verbal road rage doesn’t stem from anger at these people, but from utter frustration at their lack of driving skills. And nobody hears my verbiages, normally, so what’s the harm in releasing some of that frustration?
Speaking of frustrating things…
If I was to come up with a list of frustrating things the lack of communication would have to be one of the top ten.
Nothing like going on a blind date and not being able to think of one intelligent thing to say! Here’s this “hottie” sitting across from you and your brain can’t make your mouth move to start a conversation, sort of like ordering a bowl of hot soup with no spoon! It really looks good, and smells good too, but you ain’t gonna taste it or touch it!
Dealing with the State of Ohio agencies, any one of them, would also be listed in the top ten. After pushing 20 buttons as instructed by the robot answering system, you have to wait on hold for a half an hour, listening to their crappy elevator music!
When you finally do get to talk to a human it’s usually a secretary that can’t help you and puts you back on hold while transferring you to someone who MIGHT be able to help!
I thought that pushing 20 buttons was supposed to get me to someone who COULD help me… I just don’t get it!
Another of the top ten would be when trying to remove 28 screws to fix something and the 28th screw has a stripped-out screw head… damn I hate that!
Then when you finally do get it apart, fix it, and try to put it back together, the NEW 28th screw falls and disappears into the carpet!
How about when the “Check Engine” light comes on, you look under the hood, and the engine is still there, all the fluids are full, no broken wires or hoses… I just don’t get it!
The “Windows Blue Screen Of Death” has to be among the top ten frustrations also. Especially at press time when your article is only half done!
My favorite frustration has to be wasted time. This usually happens when someone who knows nothing about a subject, that you have over 20 years experience with, asks for your opinion, you spend 20 minutes explaining it to them, and then they spend the next 20 minutes telling you why it won’t work!
Go ahead smarty pants… do it your way!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
