I Couldn’t Find It!
I hope your holidays were grand, spiffy, and really swell! Mine were surprisingly okay, got several presents and all were… FOOD items. Hot Diggity Dog!
Had a fairly good time with family and friends over the holidays, ate lots of good food, and drank some holiday spirits, but…
something was missing…
something important…
something I really needed…
Have you ever found yourself looking for something but didn’t remember what it was that you were looking for?
Well I seemed to have misplaced something and have been looking for it for two weeks! It’s been a daunting task to remember where I left it, or for that matter what it was that I was looking for in the first place!
I really hate it when that happens. All I knew was I needed to find it because I have a Voice article due and it had something to do with that.
It wasn’t my computer, I knew where that was. Not my coffee cup, smoking jacket, beer or my socks, all of those are here!
I have to find it! It’s important! I can’t do my article without it! Damn!
Into the Caverns I go, my Cavernous Mind that is. That’s like jogging down Memory Lane for the rest of humanity; you know the drill, that’s when we try everything we can think of to “jog” our memory.
We go into each room and just stand there, turning our heads from side to side scoping everything in sight, hoping something will catch our eye and trigger some brain cells to get us on the right track… didn’t work!
I looked under the beds… nope not there.
I looked in all the closets… nope not there either.
I looked in the underwear drawer, kitchen cupboards, and even sat on the crapper for a half an hour, since that’s where I get most of my inspiration… no such luck!
No matter what room I go into there just are no clues as to what I’m looking for! Damn the Caverns are empty, not even a hint!
Well maybe it’s not even here to begin with; hmmm perhaps I left it somewhere else… yeah that’s got to be it!
So off I go to visit friends and family, to the stores I frequent, pubs, anywhere I could have been in the last two weeks, hoping something, anything would cause a spark to light up the Caverns and give me hope that this hellish nightmare would end!
Then it happened… it was like a slap to the ole grey matter… I remembered WHAT it was I was looking for! Now I just have to find it, and find it fast, press time is closing in on me quickly!
Where… oh where could it be? Damn I’m in trouble!
Exhausted, brain tired, and totally frustrated I had to concede that I wasn’t going to find it in time to get this article written, the editors are going to be pissed!
So let that be a lesson to all of you… NEVER… EVER lose your sense of humor, it can be hell trying to find it again!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Move It Buddy!
I’ve had a really moving experience lately that has lasted a whole month! No really!
“Gosh-Golly-Gee Snarp what happened?”
“Did a homeless man offer to share with you his half eaten burger he just got out of the Burger King Dumpster?”
“Did the spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Future visit you and now you’re gonna have to give a one legged boy a big turkey?”
“Gee-Whizz Snarp did you see God… and he said he really liked your articles?”
NO, NO and NO, none of that happened nor did the Tooth Fairy return to give me back some of the teeth that she STOLE from under my pillow!
Yeah… go ahead… try to give a dentist a quarter to fix a tooth! I figure those suckers had to be worth a quarter alright… a quarter of a thousand, we’ve been ripped off!
No my avid readers, my moving experience has been literally… moving. Someone bought my little ‘Snarp Bungalow’ so I had to move. What a pain in the ass, I hate moving! Moving really sucks!
It wouldn’t have been so bad except I had to find a place to move into within a week of vacating the place I was in!
When I did find a place it wasn’t fully vacated yet, so I had to move someone else’s stuff around so I could move my stuff into the place. Okay I can deal with that but…
Two of my friends were moving at the same time and wanted to give me some of their stuff, which I really needed and am grateful for, but they too were on a quickly expiring timeline and needed me to move their stuff ASAP!
Oh what fun! Every other day I had to get more of their stuff out for them but first I had to move my stuff and someone else’s stuff around so I could move their stuff in, only to have to move that stuff and my stuff and someone else’s stuff again to make room for more of their stuff!
Now in the mean time I still have to get the rest of my stuff out of the other place, but first I have to move the newly arrived friends stuff, my stuff and someone else’s stuff to make room for more of my stuff!
During all this moving stuff around I also have to find time to clean my new place and try to put some of my stuff in its place so I can make more room for more of their stuff and the rest of my stuff!
What started out to be a simple move of just my simple stuff has turned into a friggen multitasking nightmare!
Like I said, I really hate moving, moving really sucks, but I sure do love my friends!
During this moving experience I inherited a washer and dryer, a fridge, love seat, 4 dressers, 5 large mirrors, 2 end tables, 9 lamps, a kitchen table and 4 chairs, a bar and 3 bar stools, an entertainment center, a color TV, 2 stereo’s, a large recliner, carpet, several pots and pans, a full size bed with 2 sets of sheets and comforters, a barbecue grill, enough steaks, roasts, and hamburgers to fill 2 freezers, a vacuum cleaner, a toaster oven, and a micro wave!
Sheesh all that’s missing is a damn Partridge in a friggen Pear tree!
Happy Holidays!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
