Have you ever contemplated the ageless question… why do we exist?  Why are we here on planet earth?  What are we supposed to accomplish here?

We have been inundated over the years with many ancient mysteries such as the Bermuda Triangle, Bigfoot, Stonehenge, the Mayan Calendar, the great pyramids of Egypt, Stonehenge, Easter Island, Atlantis, cats and women just to mention a few, and there is plenty of evidence that there was an extremely advanced civilization 5,000 years before our history says modern humans even appeared on earth.

Yet here we sit in the 21rst century with close to 2.5 million years of human history to guide us and we can’t even force ourselves to believe the facts and that in itself is… a mystery.  We can’t even begin to solve the mystery of women yet alone the Great Pyramids!

Someone once said that “Life is a mystery waiting to be soiled…” or was that solved?  Hmmm… seems like both to me; while some humanoids do indeed strive to unlock the mysteries of life, others continue just to ‘soil’ all over theirs contaminating the rest of us!

Even though these life’s mystery soilers are not suitable candidates for mystery solving achievement awards, I must admit when I soil myself it’s always a mystery!

Some mysteries are more important to decipher than others like why does lint always find its way into my jean pockets when in the washer?  Lint doesn’t end up in my shirt pockets, just the jeans!

Why damnit Why?

Or why is it that after I turned 50 I finally started to grow hair again… in all the wrong places?  Nostril hairs still have me baffled!  You can trim them and yank them yet two days later they’re back and a quarter inch longer!

Why damnit Why?

Other things continue to mystify me on a daily basis like if around 90 per cent of the world’s population is right-handed, and it is easier for right-handers to button shirts from the right, why do women’s garments button from the left while men’s button from the right?  This is totally unacceptable!

While we’re on the subject why do women wear high heels?  I mean they all complain that high heels are really uncomfortable and make walking more difficult, so why do they keep wearing them?  You don’t see men going around wearing jock-straps do you?

Another mystery that concerns me is that the numbers on a phone verses the numbers on a calculator… are reversed?  This has puzzled me for years!  And I still find it absurd that the cost of a funeral has risen by 50%, and it’s blamed on the cost of living!  Really?

Here’s one mystery that I’m happy to report has been solved; Stress! Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize that you haven’t fallen asleep yet!  I hate it when that happens!

Then when looking through some old photos I contemplated that I used to be dark and handsome, now only when it’s dark I’m handsome!  What the…? Why damnit Why?

~ Snarp

www.foggyblogg.com

I learned something new from Jimmy The Geek who told me that a guy, we’ll call Carlos, explained that the Spanish way to say Jesus is “Hay-SOOS” and it was derived from the days when the Greeks called out to the god Zeus.  They’d say “Hey Zeus” when they wanted Gods attention!

Now that is purely original, wish I’d thought of that one, Hee-Hee-Hee!

For those of you who are offended by the above statement, all I got to say is; how dare you be offended by my offensive offensiveness!  It is not my fault if you are offended by my offensiveness, in fact I am offended that you are offended and you should be ashamed of your offensive self!

Alrighty then… if you recall I ended my last article with “if you take any stock in the Mayan calendar crap then this will be your last holiday season before the earth blows up…” this got me to thinkin!

Thoughts of doom and gloom sparked my curiosity and caused an electrical storm in my deep… cavernous… mind!  And if I had any hair it would have been standing on end from all the static electricity that was being generated!

So get tihis… if interpretations of the Mayan calendar are correct, the earth will be all blowed up next December 21rst thus totally ruining Christmas!

“Oh my HeyZeus!  What should I do?”

Like 173 Super Balls bouncing around in a dryer my thoughts of really partying it up this holiday season, since it will be the last, started to gain some momentum!  After all it will be really hard to celebrate once we’re all just particles of cosmic dust floating out in space so I think we should PARTY NOW!

Time to investigate…

The Mayan calendar marks the end of a 5,126-year cycle around 12-21-2012.  In the Mayan calendar, the long calendar count begins in 3,114 BC and is divided into roughly 394-year periods called Baktuns. Mayans held the number 13 sacred and the 13th Baktun ends next year.

Okay… but that’s not a good enough excuse to let loose this holiday season… yet!

Hmm… every other doomsday prediction has obviously come and gone without the earth blowing up, and a just as happened then a whole slew of carpetbaggers are already cashing in with 2012 survival kits, “Doomsday 2012″ T-shirts and a “Complete Idiots Guide to 2012″, I need one of those!

Catastrophic predictions include a polar shift, the impact of a great meteor or asteroid, earthquakes, the reduction of the earth’s magnetic field, the extinction of many species, or global annihilation brought on by man’s relentless greed triggering war and destruction!

Of course none of these predictions are based on archeology, anthropology, or even astronomy and as it turns out the Mayans never said anything about the end of the world or anything about a great change in the universe on that date, there is no prophecy for 2012; it’s just a deceptive marketing ploy.

Who cares let’s PARTY NOW ANYWAYS!

~ Snarp

www.foggyblogg.com