Camping… What A Life!
This article is being brought to you from my Top Secret hide-a-way, “Camp Shush”, deep within the hills of Pennsylvania. “Camp Shush”, so named because I’m not allowed to tell anyone where it’s located.
Why? Because it’s a secret getaway for a handful of real humans in which neither they nor I want a bunch of squatters coming up here and leaving all kinds of trash, bitchy ex-wives or unruly kids behind!
Yeah… nothing more irritating than getting to a campsite after a long drive then having to pick up someone else’s trash before you can even set up camp!
Well… having to transport their left-behind bitchy ex-wives or unruly kids back to civilization; hmm… THAT’S pretty irritating!
“YACKITY-YACK-BOO-HOO-YACKITY-YACK”, sheesh no wonder they’re always left behind!
Anyways, let’s go over some camping etiquette to make your next camping expedition more enjoyable.
1. Never forget to take an extra supply of female hormone patches when going camping.
If she forgets to change it, quickly snatch one up and slap it on her forehead, run away, drink more beer!
Immediately don your SnarpFarkle “Don’t PMS On Me!” tee-shirt and have your SnarpFarkle “Triple-Dose-Anti-PMSer-Opiate-Spray” on hand in case of a sneak attack! Drink more beer!
2. DO NOT throw rocks at garbage eating bears! Seems they don’t take too kindly to that… huh, didn’t know that!
3. If you need to force a smelly drunken friend to take a shower, during camp week, it’s apparently okay to trip him on the path to the shower filleting his knees and elbows like a perch!
If he complains about the pain make him drink more beer! That’ll teach him to stink!
4. Beware of tobacco smoking slugs!
Yeah it seems the little nasty slime coated buggers like to rest on your pipe stem or the filters of cigarettes.
Since they are the same color as the filter paper they will end up in your mouth and what a rush that is! Almost like eating someone else’s snot balls!
DON’T THINK ABOUT IT!
SPIT IT OUT IMEDIATELY!
DRINK MORE BEER!
5. Never say “NO” if the hung-over camp cook wants to put baked beans on your morning ham and cheese omelet!
He just might trip you on the way to your next shower! Once is enough, just drink more Bloody Mary’s to wash it down!
6. If you’re over 40 don’t hesitate to bring a gasoline powered hydraulic wood splitter!
Nothing like the feeling of ripping muscles and tendons to remind you of how old you really are! In this case stop what you are doing and drink more beer!
7. When putting two fat boys on a 4 wheeler going to the local pub and you start to smell burning rubber… yes your tire is rubbing on the exhaust and is on fire!
Camping is supposed to be a fun, relaxing, and enjoyable experience… not necessarily in that order, but if your camping experience doesn’t contain these three elements then you’re doing it all wrong! Bring more BEER!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
