Adverse Advice Advisory!
Things could always be worse and most likely are, somewhere in the universe, for someone other than me. So for inspiration I look for stories that tell of doom and gloom in somebody else’s world, and that usually makes mine look much brighter.
In the past when faced with stressful indignation I would keep telling myself that things could always be worse and ”BAM”, it happens! So this time I decided to keep telling myself that things could always be better, and ”BAM”, it hasn’t happened… yet!
So I looked on the net for some doom and gloom to cheer me up and ”BAM”, there’s enough for everyone! For instance the story of a surgical nurse that was called out of surgery so her manager could tell her she was being laid off! What an assbag!
Okay that was a little gloomy but not nearly enough to get me out of my slump. Then I found a story of a Finch Arboretum that was being overrun by ground squirrels, so the park rangers brought in a special machine…
“The Rodenator Pro 9000XL7”!
What the…?
Yeah this thing is cool; it pumps propane and oxygen into the tunnels of squirrels, and then sends an electric spark that causes an explosion. The shock wave collapses their tunnels and kills the squirrels, but in a humane way, they say.
Uhh… I don’t know about you but getting gassed, blowed up, and probably set on fire, then buried alive doesn’t sound too humane to me! Okay that was pretty doomy but there has to be more… let’s keep digging.
Oh yeah here’s one, listen to this; some guy in Russia had complained of extreme pain in his chest and had been coughing up blood, his doctors suspected cancer. When they finally decided to do exploratory surgery his doctors were staggered to find a 2 inch high spruce tree growing inside the man’s lung!
Huh… I wonder what they did with the tree. He should plant it and then charge admission for people to see it… yeah then it would become a money tree! Brilliant!
Well that was more just plain weird not so doomy or gloomy, what else is there? Hmm here’s something… as a final wish, Fredrick J. Baur, the man who designed the Pringles packing system, who died last May, will finally be laid to rest. He will be buried in a Pringles can as he requested.
What the…?
Good luck stuffing him in there!
Then there’s this story of a 21-year-old German tourist who wanted to visit his girlfriend in Sydney Australia, but landed 8,000 miles away near Sidney, Montana! It appears that he mistyped his destination when booking his flight online. HAH what a dope!
What else is there… ooo this one brings a smile to my face! A Japanese company has developed a solar-powered sport bra that not only lifts and separates, but also charges an iPod or cell phone while jogging. Brilliant!
Not at all doom or gloom, unless of course other than young slim and trim hotties wear them! Yes… uh-huh, yes that could be bad.
Okay I feel much better now! I didn’t get fired while in surgery… didn’t get gassed, blowed up, set on fire and buried alive… no trees growing in my lungs… won’t be buried in a potato chip can… no plans on traveling 8,000 miles in the wrong direction and will not sport a Solar Powered Bra… hmm… I’m good, how about you?
~ Snarp
