I learned something new from Jimmy The Geek who told me that a guy, we’ll call Carlos, explained that the Spanish way to say Jesus is “Hay-SOOS” and it was derived from the days when the Greeks called out to the god Zeus.  They’d say “Hey Zeus” when they wanted Gods attention!

Now that is purely original, wish I’d thought of that one, Hee-Hee-Hee!

For those of you who are offended by the above statement, all I got to say is; how dare you be offended by my offensive offensiveness!  It is not my fault if you are offended by my offensiveness, in fact I am offended that you are offended and you should be ashamed of your offensive self!

Alrighty then… if you recall I ended my last article with “if you take any stock in the Mayan calendar crap then this will be your last holiday season before the earth blows up…” this got me to thinkin!

Thoughts of doom and gloom sparked my curiosity and caused an electrical storm in my deep… cavernous… mind!  And if I had any hair it would have been standing on end from all the static electricity that was being generated!

So get tihis… if interpretations of the Mayan calendar are correct, the earth will be all blowed up next December 21rst thus totally ruining Christmas!

“Oh my HeyZeus!  What should I do?”

Like 173 Super Balls bouncing around in a dryer my thoughts of really partying it up this holiday season, since it will be the last, started to gain some momentum!  After all it will be really hard to celebrate once we’re all just particles of cosmic dust floating out in space so I think we should PARTY NOW!

Time to investigate…

The Mayan calendar marks the end of a 5,126-year cycle around 12-21-2012.  In the Mayan calendar, the long calendar count begins in 3,114 BC and is divided into roughly 394-year periods called Baktuns. Mayans held the number 13 sacred and the 13th Baktun ends next year.

Okay… but that’s not a good enough excuse to let loose this holiday season… yet!

Hmm… every other doomsday prediction has obviously come and gone without the earth blowing up, and a just as happened then a whole slew of carpetbaggers are already cashing in with 2012 survival kits, “Doomsday 2012″ T-shirts and a “Complete Idiots Guide to 2012″, I need one of those!

Catastrophic predictions include a polar shift, the impact of a great meteor or asteroid, earthquakes, the reduction of the earth’s magnetic field, the extinction of many species, or global annihilation brought on by man’s relentless greed triggering war and destruction!

Of course none of these predictions are based on archeology, anthropology, or even astronomy and as it turns out the Mayans never said anything about the end of the world or anything about a great change in the universe on that date, there is no prophecy for 2012; it’s just a deceptive marketing ploy.

Who cares let’s PARTY NOW ANYWAYS!

~ Snarp

www.foggyblogg.com

Happy Damn Holidays and Merry Friggen Ho-Ho’s is all I got to say about this holiday season so far, it’s already getting boring since it’s been shoved down our throats since the beginning of October!

Now the blow-up-yard-crap-junkies have replaced all of the hokey Halloween and Thanksgiving yard crap with Christmas yard crap!   You know, the fifty dollar air filled blowups that yard crap junkies keep putting up every year for the holidays!  In a week they’ll all be slumped over like drunken Geezers!

At least I haven’t had another attempt on my life by one of those Frosty The Snow Man blowup yard monsters; it’s been a couple of years since that hideous adventure.  If you remember, some yard crap junkie didn’t tie down his Frosty The Snowman blow up doll and a fall breeze freed the yard crap monster to seek me out and try to kill me!

Yeah I was driving down the road on a nice breezy fall day when I noticed something in the road ahead and it was moving toward me at a disturbing velocity!  “What the…?” I said as I tried to veer off to the left to get out of its way but it maneuvered back into my path so I swerved to the right and it still honed in on me like a guided missile!

Out of places to go I had to slam on the brakes and then Frosty hit and blurted out a sound that I can be best described as a giant whoopee cushion and laid itself on my hood with his big black evil eyes staring right at me!  It was a very frightening experience!

I left Frosty all shriveled up like a giant white prune in the ditch, and yes there may be some truth to the rumor that I stoned him several times with some road side boulders!  Hey I had to make sure he didn’t try to follow me!  I still have nightmares of that day!

During the next couple of weeks you will most likely be exposed to other hideous holiday madness.  Most of these are very time consuming and it’s your job to find a way to get yourself out of them!

Holiday Mushy Heads think it’s a holiday tradition to suck all of the time from your busy schedule; so you’ll need to prepare to avoid them completely!

They seem to sneak up on you during the holidays and pull some repulsive act of kindness on you leaving you defenseless, and vulnerable to whatever they may have in store for you.

They know that you will not be able to refuse to listen to them for at least 10 minutes!  After the first ten minutes they quickly shoot for another ten, and then another, and then another until they’ve used up all your time!

You, not wanting to be rude, are waiting for them to get to the point… and they know you are!

You can’t be mean or rude to one or they’ll start bawling which just adds more time they’ll need to get to the point! Sheesh!

If you take any stock in the Mayan calendar crap then this will be your last holiday season before the earth blows up so avoid blowup yard crap, Holiday Mushy Heads and all other holiday madness at all costs!

~ Snarp

www.foggyblogg.com