We’re All Gonna Die!
To keep myself entertained and well informed, I’ve been watching the Discovery Channel series “Ancient Aliens”.
In short, there is strong evidence, and it is becoming widely believed that highly advanced civilizations from other worlds not only visited our primitive earth tens of thousands of years ago, but also through genetic manipulation took a stinky ole caveman and produced hu-man as he is today.
Well not quite like he is today, they didn’t give him the internet, clothes or cel-phones; instead they gave him slave labor!
HOT DOG… thanks guys!
Sheesh, an advanced extraterrestrial civilization progresses to the point of being able to travel through space to other planets and what do they do? Pick Earth with its Cro-Magnon monkey people; mess with their genes by mixing in some of their own DNA to create a superior race of earthlings? No… slave laborers and politicians!
What the…?
I may not be the smartest man on the earth… no really… but if I was sent out into the cosmos with a bag of fancy highly developed techno gadgets to explore new worlds, I certainly wouldn’t mix my DNA with monkey people to create p-p-p-politicians! Hot little ladies to cater to my every need maybe, but never politicians!
What were they thinking?
Well I have my own theory of how all this could have taken place, for one thing evidence exists that they liked BEER! Not only that but one of the first things they taught our newly deformed ancestors was how to make it… lots of it!
Now that explains some things, they were obviously drunker than skunks when they preformed their DNA experiments!
Here’s how I see it; a planet that travels through our solar system every so many thousands of years and passes close enough to earth for them to travel here, sent a team of explorers to scope out our resources and found that we had plenty of gold, hops, hemp and other natural resources for them to plunder since they screwed up their own planet becoming so highly advanced.
They can’t stay here very long without becoming sick from our atmosphere so they went back to report what they had found and develop a way to stay longer. Like any advanced civilization their kids were a bunch of spoiled rotten jobless delinquents, so they decided to send ‘Junior Aliens’ to earth to mine for gold the next time they got close enough, to pay for wrecking the family saucers on a drunken drag race spree.
The ‘Junior Aliens’ really just wanting to party instead of wasting their time with w-w-w-work, got all highed up then set up a laboratory to start messing with monkey people DNA so they could get them to do the work for them!
Well a few mistakes were made along the way resulting in hideous creatures running around earth… lawyers, politicians, used car salesmen, and cats!
Now ‘Daddy Alien’ finds out what ‘Junior Alien’ has been up to and being repulsed at the sight of our newly enhanced ancestors then said, “WHAT YOU’VE HAD SEX WITH THEM TOO! Junior when we get back in 2012 you’re gonna clean up this mess!”
We’re all gonna die!
~ Snarp
I Think Therefore I Thought!
Ever since researching some articles online about stupid stuff for some inspiration, I’ve been thinking, thinking of going for some counseling and attending TA meetings. Some guy named Bill wrote an article about being a “Recovering Thinker” and I think Thinker’s Anonymous might be just the thing I need!
Sometimes I get so immersed in thought that I can’t think straight and we all know what thinking crooked can do to a person… make him write about stupid stuff!
I can’t say that I’ll ever really stop thinking though; after all I’ve been doing it ever since the whole womb embryo thing. Obviously I don’t remember all my embryonic thoughts but I do remember one thought as an embryo…
“GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”
The second embryonic thought I can remember was after waiting nine months to grow limbs and lungs and stuff so I could start kicking and making mummy dearest really uncomfortable, I grew fingernails and I was able to rip open my watery prison and squeeze out into the real world only to be hung upside down and smacked on the ass by a masked man! What the…?
Had I known then what was to become of thinkers in the twenty first century I may have chosen a different path to follow, like becoming a politician, meteorologist or a court appointed lawyer; they don’t have to think or can be wrong all the time and still get paid!
Whatever, by the time I was old enough to start school I was well on my way to becoming a ‘Closet Thinker’. I had to sneak around and hide to think for myself more and more each day! I soon realized I was more than just an ordinary thinker, I was thinking for myself all the time.
I was fast becoming a heavy Thinkaholic, and with that I eventually came down with the Thinking Disease, ‘Thinkeritus’!
Thinkeritus sufferers, as you may know, tend to think for themselves which leads to… ‘Asking Questions’. This is often misinterpreted as being obstinate or noncompliant, and so mistreatment of the Thinkaholic by trying to get them to stop thinking for themselves and asking questions usually results in them becoming… well obstinate and noncompliant!
A Thinkaholic cannot just sit idly by and let some ‘ASSBAG’ tell them that it doesn’t matter WHY just do it anyways; this just causes the Thinkeritus sufferer to become irritated because it gives him MORE to think about!
For instance, when as a Thinkaholic I would be caught ‘thinking on the job’, my boss would call me off to the side and say, “Snarp, your thinking on the job has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job and asking questions, I’ll have to let you go.” This, as you can imagine gave me even more to think about!
Even though I knew that thinking while working isn’t allowed, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to, I’m a Thinkaholic, I’m addicted, I admit it!
When my status as an intense thinker became more obvious, and I ran out of closets to think for myself in, I began to think for myself in the open, and because one thought always leads to another, I am what I am today: a major Thinkaholic!
So I can’t wait for the day when I can walk into that door standing tall and say, “Hi… my name is Snarp… Snarp Farkle and I am a Thinkaholic and I suffer from type 2 Thinkeritus…. I think!”
~ Snarp
