Riding The Wave!
The word “wave” has recently crept into the very pits of my deep, cavernous mind and like a catnip crazed cat it is begging me to investigate its real significance!
What is a wave, really? Well it gets kind of confusing because there are all kinds of waves. There are radio waves but no TV waves, ocean waves but no lake waves, sound waves but no sight waves, light waves no dark waves, love waves which I can only assume have something in common with trojan waves, the list goes on and on.
George Bush will be disappointed to find out that there are shock waves but no awe waves!
Then there’s the brain wave. This one can be fun to mess with, like tiwsting the ltertes anruod in all the wodrs and eevn tohguh the snpilleg mekas no snsee, you can sltil raed tehm whoutit too mcuh trluobe! It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Heh-Heh, that drove the spell checker crazy!
We have a wavelength but no wave height, a wave front but no wave sides or wave backs unless of course we enter the realm of the hand wave.
On my first trip to Iowa I learned all about ‘THE WAVE’, the hand gesture type and I don’t mean the ‘one fingered’ wave either, all fingers are used and in a friendly manner too!
Dude, Justintime, and I pondered long and hard about ‘the wave’ and discovered different aspects of ‘the wave’. There’s like points if you are the ‘first wave initiator’ rather than the ‘first wave receiver’ thus you only get ½ the points of being the initiator.
There are extra points if you are sitting in a moving vehicle while being the ‘first wave initiator’ too and extra-extra points if you are the driver of said vehicle! Regardless, if you are the driver or the passenger of said vehicle you are ‘RIDING THE WAVE’!
Yeah… that’s what I’m talking about! 
To be designated the ‘first wave initiator’ you not only must make ‘first wave eye contact’ but also be quicker on the ‘wave draw’, that is to get your hand in the ‘wave position’ before the other person does, then release the ‘first wave eye contact’ just seconds before the unsuspecting ‘stationary wave recipient’ gets in the ‘wave position’ then get your ‘wave on’ and BLAM you have achieved maximum ‘first wave initiator status’… you are then ‘DRIVING THE WAVE’! Mega pointage!
I did notice that most of the more seasoned ‘first wave initiators’ are elderly. They are truly professional ‘wavers’. They can achieve ‘double first wave initiator status’ when one is the driver and the other the passenger thus taking the big prize… ‘DRIVING and RIDING THE WAVE’!
Once you have been engaged by a ‘first wave initiator’ you have no choice but to become the ‘wave backer’. If you do not wave back… well that’s just rude, after all they won ‘first wave initiator status’ fair and square so don’t be a wave back sore loser, and get your wave on or you could be fined!
Hmm… I think we need a ‘wave’ rule book!
~ Snarp
Absurdly Addicted!
??huh??
Well in case you haven’t noticed you haven’t had your dose of Snarp Farkle since… well last year!
Yeah it’s 2011, no really, and I’m back in Silver City for this article, continuing my efforts to confuse and bewilder this little corner of Iowa! I think I’m addicted to that look of “HuH…??? Wha…???”
The looks I get whenever I open my mouth are just… just priceless! Haven’t had this much fun since putting mustard in my cousins tea years ago!
You can’t smell mustard in tea, and he thought he was being smart by smelling the sugar for salt and coffee creamer for wallpaper paste before using them, as he’d already been unpleasantly surprised by both of those a couple of times! Heh-heh…
So I let him get used to not finding anything wrong for a little while then loaded up his tea with mustard. This took several days of repulsive experimenting to get just the right texture and hideous taste without unveiling any clues as to what was just about to occur!
He dipped his pinky into the sugar bowl, then hesitantly raised his hand to his mouth to test it… okay its sugar. Then dipped his pinky into the powdered coffee creamer… reluctantly taste tested it also… hmm no wallpaper paste.
He then smelled the tea as if he knew something was amiss… but it smelled like tea, so he loaded it up with sugar and creamer then stirring… stirring… stirring… “Come on man drink it already!” I thought to myself in near blissful anticipation!
Then as if in slow motion his hand reached for the cup handle… “Do it… Dooo iiiit!!”
Finally he picked it up… looked down over the cup at me across the table, cross-eyed focusing in on my face in a last ditched effort to catch me snickering or giving any hint that I was up to something.
But with a face of stone I just kept telling myself, “Wait for it… waaaiiit forrr it… don’t make eye contact… almost there… closer… closer…”
When his eyes closed just as the rim of the cup reached his lips, I knew that I had reached a pinnacle of supremacy in true “Stupigence”! I had just instantly become intellectually stupid for the very first time… it was glorious… it sort of felt like… like it must feel to achieve productive puberty!
Just nanoseconds before the taste of that hideous impish nectar reached his tongue, I no longer feared discovery of my dastardly deed. I allowed the right corner of my mouth to rise slowly in a half sneer as I glanced up to meet his now quivering eyelids, quivering uncontrollably from the chemical reaction to both his taste buds and his obviously churning stomach lining and shivering esophagus.
This concoction must have the same effect as helium on the vocal chords because when he tried to say something that sounded a lot like “ulilbasser”, it was almost… well demonic!
Not being able to control his distorting facial expressions from the ‘mustardly’ essence of tainted tea, he gave me those looks… those looks of absurdity… those looks of “HuH…? Wha…?” Yes I am absurdly addicted to “HuH…? Wha…?” ’, love it!
So many minds… so little time!
~ Snarp
