Move It Buddy!
I’ve had a really moving experience lately that has lasted a whole month! No really!
“Gosh-Golly-Gee Snarp what happened?”
“Did a homeless man offer to share with you his half eaten burger he just got out of the Burger King Dumpster?”
“Did the spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Future visit you and now you’re gonna have to give a one legged boy a big turkey?”
“Gee-Whizz Snarp did you see God… and he said he really liked your articles?”
NO, NO and NO, none of that happened nor did the Tooth Fairy return to give me back some of the teeth that she STOLE from under my pillow!
Yeah… go ahead… try to give a dentist a quarter to fix a tooth! I figure those suckers had to be worth a quarter alright… a quarter of a thousand, we’ve been ripped off!
No my avid readers, my moving experience has been literally… moving. Someone bought my little ‘Snarp Bungalow’ so I had to move. What a pain in the ass, I hate moving! Moving really sucks!
It wouldn’t have been so bad except I had to find a place to move into within a week of vacating the place I was in!
When I did find a place it wasn’t fully vacated yet, so I had to move someone else’s stuff around so I could move my stuff into the place. Okay I can deal with that but…
Two of my friends were moving at the same time and wanted to give me some of their stuff, which I really needed and am grateful for, but they too were on a quickly expiring timeline and needed me to move their stuff ASAP!
Oh what fun! Every other day I had to get more of their stuff out for them but first I had to move my stuff and someone else’s stuff around so I could move their stuff in, only to have to move that stuff and my stuff and someone else’s stuff again to make room for more of their stuff!
Now in the mean time I still have to get the rest of my stuff out of the other place, but first I have to move the newly arrived friends stuff, my stuff and someone else’s stuff to make room for more of my stuff!
During all this moving stuff around I also have to find time to clean my new place and try to put some of my stuff in its place so I can make more room for more of their stuff and the rest of my stuff!
What started out to be a simple move of just my simple stuff has turned into a friggen multitasking nightmare!
Like I said, I really hate moving, moving really sucks, but I sure do love my friends!
During this moving experience I inherited a washer and dryer, a fridge, love seat, 4 dressers, 5 large mirrors, 2 end tables, 9 lamps, a kitchen table and 4 chairs, a bar and 3 bar stools, an entertainment center, a color TV, 2 stereo’s, a large recliner, carpet, several pots and pans, a full size bed with 2 sets of sheets and comforters, a barbecue grill, enough steaks, roasts, and hamburgers to fill 2 freezers, a vacuum cleaner, a toaster oven, and a micro wave!
Sheesh all that’s missing is a damn Partridge in a friggen Pear tree!
Happy Holidays!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Kinda Cheesy!
The following is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. (That would be me!)
I used the Peanuts cartoon characters to replace the names of the people in the story and used the names as the character fit their personality not necessarily gender. Enjoy!
I’m in the process of moving again but when I first moved here I lived in a one bedroom upstairs apartment and the neighbors were… shall I say… kinda cheesy.
The guy right below me, Lucy, was a Nam vet that was on the “crazy vet cheese checks”, as he put it, the girl next to him, Peppermint Pattie, was a recently paroled ex-con who was in prison for “selling drugs and stomping some chick”, as she liked to say with a gleam in her eyes, she was on the “mental cheese checks”!
Some new Spanish speaking lady with nine kids moved in next to Peppermint Pattie and she was on the “welfare cheese checks”! The guy who moved into the apartment across from me never left the apartment so he must be on some kind of “cheese check” too!
The guy across the way that lives in a trailer, Charlie Brown, was on the “mental cheese checks” too, and the lady in a cottage next to him, Marcie, was on the “disability cheese checks”!
Hey… that would be “cottage cheese checks” for her! Get it? Lives in a cottage… Cheese checks… Cottage Cheese…
Ooookay moving right along now, I’m starting to wonder what part of town I moved into! I felt left out! I would get this urge to go buy some cheese now and then, but that’s not the same is it?
They were all getting FREE cheese and I had to pay for mine, heck in a way I was paying for theirs too! Not one of them worked! Damn!
Aww I shouldn’t pick on them I guess, they were actually pretty nice people. Peppermint Pattie kept giving me candles, not sure what message she was trying to convey with those. Maybe she was afraid when she’s all jibbed up on her meds she’d burn the apartments down trying to light them so she gave them to me!
Lucy was… was… Lucy was weird! He liked to intimidate people but when he realized he didn’t scare me he warmed up to me… hmm that sounds gay, he befriended me yeah that sounds better, he befriended me but I wouldn’t turn my back on him for a second!
Marcie, I never saw Marcie with her clothes on! Err… umm I never saw her fully dressed… ooo that don’t sound right either! She always wore pajamas and a robe and slippers, even when she was gardening, so she says.
I would NOT want to see her naked… she’s like all out of proportion, I’m thinking things aren’t where they’re suppose to be any more!
Then there’s Charlie Brown… Charlie Brown was one of those really nice guys, who would literally take his shirt off and give it to you if you ask him for it. I saw him do it when Peppermint Pattie told him she liked his T shirt, he took it off and gave it to her!
She gave it right back of course and told him to “wash it first please”! Heh… and he did! He’s just that kind of person! Or maybe he was scared to death she’d set him on fire!
Well if you ever come to (CENSORED) don’t bring any cheese, there seems to be plenty of that here!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Be sure to visit SnarpFarkle.com
