Frustration…I Love It!

“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! OH COME ON NOW! YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY DRIVE THAT CAR WITH BOTH HANDS FLIPPING ME OFF OUT THE WINDOW!”

Heh-heh… okay… that’s better, oh… uh… sorry I was… umm… just giving some driving instructions to the… uh… nice grey haired lady in front of me, who seems to be having a problem holding on to that steering wheel!

No really… I have been striving to curb my verbal road rage a little, since my buddy Brutus took notice and told me that “Anger is not the answer!”

When Brutus, the once king of verbal road rage, tells me something I listen, because when we first met he said he wanted to crush my skull and eat my brain, and not necessarily in that order!

Either way, I figured, it was gonna hurt!

So when he told me that anger is not the answer… well I listened, but I just don’t get it, but I didn’t tell HIM that!

I mean my verbal road rage doesn’t stem from anger at these people, but from utter frustration at their lack of driving skills.  And nobody hears my verbiages, normally, so what’s the harm in releasing some of that frustration?

Speaking of frustrating things…

If I was to come up with a list of frustrating things the lack of communication would have to be one of the top ten.

Nothing like going on a blind date and not being able to think of one intelligent thing to say!  Here’s this “hottie” sitting across from you and your brain can’t make your mouth move to start a conversation, sort of like ordering a bowl of hot soup with no spoon!  It really looks good, and smells good too, but you ain’t gonna taste it or touch it!

Dealing with the State of Ohio agencies, any one of them, would also be listed in the top ten.  After pushing 20 buttons as instructed by the robot answering system, you have to wait on hold for a half an hour, listening to their crappy elevator music!

When you finally do get to talk to a human it’s usually a secretary that can’t help you and puts you back on hold while transferring you to someone who MIGHT be able to help!

I thought that pushing 20 buttons was supposed to get me to someone who COULD help me… I just don’t get it!

Another of the top ten would be when trying to remove 28 screws to fix something and the 28th screw has a stripped-out screw head… damn I hate that!

Then when you finally do get it apart, fix it, and try to put it back together, the NEW 28th screw falls and disappears into the carpet!

How about when the “Check Engine” light comes on, you look under the hood, and the engine is still there, all the fluids are full, no broken wires or hoses… I just don’t get it!

The “Windows Blue Screen Of Death” has to be among the top ten frustrations also. Especially at press time when your article is only half done!

My favorite frustration has to be wasted time.  This usually happens when someone who knows nothing about a subject, that you have over 20 years experience with, asks for your opinion, you spend 20 minutes explaining it to them, and then they spend the next 20 minutes telling you why it won’t work!

Go ahead smarty pants… do it your way!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com

I Did Not Know That!

In the last issue I brought to your attention the multitude of people that seem to have the “Speed Limit Sign Blindness Disease!”

Nothing has changed with this scenario as I still find myself getting behind one of these morons on a daily basis.  I had asked myself, in the article, “Where did all these Speed Limit Sign Blind people come from?”

Well it was brought to my attention that there are 68,380 more unemployed people in Ohio then there were in January, thus 68,380 more people on the roads looking for work… I did not know that!

This solves the mystery of the increase in moron drivers over the last few months… god help us!

Okay, moving on now to some other interesting things I did not know.

Online dating sites are moving towards looking for potential matches based on DNA compatibility, they make a match based on genes that build a part of the immune system known as the “major histocompatability complex”… I did not know that!

This is interesting but I’m a little concerned about how they will find you a date using DNA profiles… I mean if they ‘match’ you on similar DNA, the chances are they’re gonna be some sort of close relative!

Even if my sister was good looking, I am 100% positive I do NOT want to date her…YEASH!

Well, this tells me one thing… the couples who would try this approach to increase their chances for finding a match with online dating already have something interesting in common… they are both very STUPID!

I don’t have a four year degree in science, but I don’t think you have to have a great deal of scientific knowledge to know that this is some really weird bullcrap.
I mean think about it… you are born with a DNA and it sticks to you all your life, no matter if you are 2 years old or 90.
So if you are ugly as a kid but you become a hottie in your 30’s your DNA is still the same. Or if you are a hottie as a kid and become ugly in your 30’s, your DNA is still the same. And if you ARE fat, or skinny, or BECOME fat or skinny, your DNA is still the same.
In other words you could be a perfect match with an ugly fat midget!  Or worse you could be a perfect match with an ugly old fat midget!  Or even worse you could be a perfect match with an ugly old fat midget that turns out to be your sister…that’s just disgusting!
I am very skeptical and hesitant to believe that DNA will be able to find you a match of someone you find… “physically attractive”.
I think I’ll just rely on the old “meet them in person method”. At least you can run away if they turn out to be… well undesirable!
Which reminds me… never be talked into going on a blind date with, and be nice to, a lady who has a history of severe childhood trauma; as they tend to become infatuated stalkers that show up at the most inopportune times… I did not know that!

And never buy a lady Tampons with cardboard applicators, it seems that those suckers are really hard to install, honestly… I really did not know that!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com