I Just Don’t Get It!
It can’t just be me… someone else has had to notice that lately there has been a whole slew of drivers out there that have this nasty habit of driving 10 to 15 miles an hour LESS than the speed limit!
I mean come on now… 30 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone? And you can’t pass them because there is always a double yellow line, or a curve, or a whole line of traffic coming the other way, which are also following a bone head going 30 in a 55!
They don’t just do this in a 55 mile an hour zone either… in a 45 they go 30; in a 35 they go 25! They brake for any and all curves, leaves blowing across the road, and my favorite… road kill!
This of course gets me to a whole new level of verbal road rage!
“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! OH COME ON NOW YOU CAN’T KILL IT AGAIN! BESIDES IT’S ON THE DOUBLE YELLOW LINE, IT WON’T BITE YOUR TIRES… IT’S DEAD! GET A MOVE ON!”
To top it all off these morons will go out of their way to pull out in front of me, even when there are no cars behind me for miles!
“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! WHAT THE HELL BUDDY YOU COULDN’T WAIT 5 SECONDS TO GET BEHIND ME?”
Then it all starts again… waiting for a chance to get around them, braking for curves, blowing leaves, and road kill!
“BEEP-BEEP HONK-HONK! YOU JUST PASSED THE SPEED LIMIT SIGN! STEP ON IT!
I just don’t get it!
Every time I go somewhere, anywhere, I get behind one of these annoying disgusting people. All I can figure is that they must have the dreaded “Speed Limit Sign Blindness Disease!”
Then again these same obnoxious citizens will sit at a green light until it turns yellow, and then slither through the intersection leaving me sitting at… you guessed it… another red light!
“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! WHAT THE HELL THE LIGHIT IS GREEN… LITTLE PEDDLE NEXT TO THE HUMP… STEP ON IT!
I just don’t get it!
Then while sitting at the second red light, I noticed a lady standing by the road holding a sign that said:
“HUNGRY, ANYTHING WILL HELP! GOD BLESS YOU!”
Then a lady and a little girl walked up to her and handed her something, money no doubt, and she gave them a hug then they walked to their car.
I just don’t get it!
Feeling sympathetic I thought to myself: “This shouldn’t be happening… this is America for crying out loud!” My wallet is empty, as usual, so I can’t help her today, maybe next time.
Then I hear an annoying sound…
“BEEP-BEEP-HONK-HONK! WHAT THE HELL BUDDY… THE LIGHIT’S BEEN GREEN TWICE NOW… LITTLE PEDDLE NEXT TO THE HUMP… STEP ON IT!
What the… “OH NO… NO… I’ve become one of… THEM!”
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Friggen Space Invaders!
Science Fiction is one of my favorite venues when it comes to boob-tube entertainment. I like a good scary movie once in a while too, if it makes me think, however most horror flicks lately just focus on killing and eating your neighbors!
Umm… have you SEEN my neighbors?
Have you seen YOUR neighbors?
Oh no, don’t worry I’m not going to take you there… yeah… your welcome!
Science fiction movies about space adventures intrigue me the most. Not just because I’ve been accused of being from outer space, but because I’d like to think that there are other species out there just a little smarter than us!
Wouldn’t it be grand to talk to some pointy headed alien about how they were able to successfully get rid of all the assbags that were screwing up their world!
After all they wouldn’t be able to gallivant across the cosmos if greedy control freaks were still in charge of THEIR technological advancements.
Perhaps that’s why our various governments want to shoot them out of the sky all the time! God forbid we let them talk to a real human!
But noooo, blow them out of the sky because they’re invading our air space!
Humm… Well there’s another kind of space that gets invaded and it is just as important, if not more so as our air space but doesn’t get nearly enough attention… our personal space, also known as our comfort zone.
Scientific studies show that personal space involves the concept of an invisible bubble around the body, and its size is determined by the individuals need for security.
As far as I’m concerned the only other reason someone should get blowed up for space invasion would be for invading my personal space… hey it’s mine so back the hell up!
What the… wait a minute… is that why I’m getting fatter… to increase my personal space? The more I think about it… the fatter I get the bigger the invisible bubble gets, which means more personal space I can have!
Hmmm… now it is all starting to make sense; all summer long kids have been irritating the hell out of me by standing way too close and talking way too loud all the while sticking baby doll butts or half eaten food in my face!
Kids don’t care about personal space, in fact I’m sure they high five each other when they see they’ve successfully violated our personal space causing us to get fatter to increase our invisible bubbles!
Hmmm… I guess now we should call these “fat bubbles”, and not so invisible!
And some skinny people say they have been irritated by ME this summer, claiming I was standing way too close and talking way too loud!
I’m crushed… I’m not a friggen space invader! I’m just getting older and a little hard of hearing and have a bigger fat bubble so get over it skinny people… I’m just moving in closer so I can hear you!
If you want more space… gain some friggen weight which gets you a bigger “fat bubble”… hey it works for me!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
