The Wedding Smeller!
A couple of weeks ago I get an excited yet frantic call from my long time really hot lady friend, “Jodeye”, who lives in Augusta, South Carolina now.
It seems that she and her long time boy friend finally decided to get married… in two weeks, and wanted me to be in the wedding somehow or at least make sure that I would be able to attend.
Then as the days passed, the calls pleading for me to attend turned into frantic calls for help with setting up the wedding and reception. What most people spend six months to a year planning for she was trying to do in just two weeks!
As with planning for any wedding, anything that could go wrong was going wrong, like the fact that I didn’t have enough time to get the cash together to go.
That didn’t deter Jodeye for a second as she was determined to have me there, so she calls to tell me that she found me a ride and I wouldn’t have to pay for anything… just get my ass down there pronto!
It turns out that the ride she found me was with her 60 year old OCD laden father “Joel”, which I’ve only talked to a couple of times and hadn’t a clue he was the king of OCD prior to all this!
In the 14 hours it took to get there I was learning hour by hour that OCD, which stands for “obsessive-compulsive disorder”, really should stand for “Occasionally Can Decide”!
Heh-heh, don’t get me wrong, Joel is a hell of a nice guy and once I figured out that he was riddled with OCD the rest of the trip turned out to be kind of fun!
Anyways he drove us there and had already set us up in a motel room… Econolodge room 207.
The night we got there we proceeded to get trashed downtown North Augusta with the wedding party at a couple of the 20+ pubs that line the street. My kind of place!
The day before the wedding was spent setting things up… hangover style… whew!
Then the day of the wedding I’m there doing the finishing touches and I get a call from Joel telling me that one hour before the wedding we had just gotten kicked out of our room… room 207!
What the… “Joel… you didn’t complain about the ice machine again did you?” I asked, “No” he replied “they said our toilet was leaking into the room below, room 107, and we need to move out… like now!”
After calming down he was able to get the management to let him shower as long as he promised not to use the toilet! I immediately started wondering how they knew it was the toilet leaking and not the shower or sink?
Then it dawned on me that I spent most of the morning hours with a belly ache filling the toilet bowl several times with a foul smelling liquid that any scientist would swear couldn’t be of human origin!
This unavoidable disgusting substance was gagging me and making my eyes water so I knew that if that revolting gaseous stench reached the humans below there could be unavoidable casualties!
Sorry about that!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Summer Bites!
Well summer is officially over and it’s time to reflect on all the fun stuff we did this year and all the fun people we’ve met.
Yeeeaaah… right!
What a crappy summer this was, I mean it rained more in July and August than it did in April and May for crying out loud!
I suppose the “EcoNuts” will want to blame this on global warming too… oh but wait a minute… it dropped down into the low 40’s at night the last week of August didn’t it?!
All the while people in Texas and Arizona couldn’t even have a decent breakfast as temperatures soared to over 100 degrees hard boiling their eggs before they could get them in the house!
Yeeeaaah… uh-huh… thinking they had a lot of egg salad sandwiches and picked eggs this summer!
Speaking of “pickled”… I did get to meet some cool people this summer while frequenting the local pubs here at Geneva-On-The-Lake… well some were cool and some were just plain weird.
In the weird category I will have to include the really hot chick that bit me on the ass cheek for my birthday present! She was a hottie, no doubt, but that’s kind of a weird thing to give someone for a present.
I guess if you have someone who has everything and is hard to buy for, biting them on the ass cheek is something they most likely never have had before and will probably never forget!
I know I won’t!
Just make sure it’s not Uncle Zeb who doesn’t take a shower but twice a year though… uh… just give him soap on a rope!
Hmmm… come to think about it… only women could get away with biting people on the ass cheek. If us guys tried that we’d end up in jail!
Even if I tried to give some of my lady friends like Olive Oil, Q, or the Queen of the Accident Prone Ones – Grace a bite on the ass for their birthday I would get slapped really hard!
Hmm… but if they got all gooned up and fell asleep in just the right position… nah, forget it, they would just hunt me down the next day and hurt me!
As for cool people I’ve met this summer like “Reeba”, a really tall, really hot blonde, or “Jeanie In The Bottle”, who can drink me under the table, or “Westerly” the guitar playing gigolo, I’d have to say that the two guys from a crew that are working in the area for the summer are on the top of the list.
I call them the “Ben and Dave Show”, they missed their calling in life, should have been traveling comedians, or maybe in a freak side show for a circus. I mean they come complete with a ten foot angry mime that chases them down the street and they like to hang with his dwarf mime sister!
They even sing karaoke serenades to the mimes dwarf sister… probably hoping that will stop him from chasing them down the street… umm good luck with that guys!
All in all it’s been a fun summer despite the crappy weather and getting my ass bit only once by only one hot chick!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
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