Oh Say Can You See…
My fellow Americans… as we quickly approach the 4th of July I ran across some rather disturbing news.
It seems that in certain parts of the country, including some of our neighboring communities, someone has decided not to put on a fireworks display this year!
Citing the costs to put on a fireworks display, in these turbulent times, just isn’t in the books! What the…
GET SOME NEW BOOKS!
Firstly you made it illegal for them to send rockets into the air…
Secondly you made it illegal for them to blow things up…
Now you’re saying you won’t send rockets into the air or blow them up for them?
This is unacceptable!
Think of all the disappointed little kiddies that were waiting all year for this day in anticipation of visualizing their annoying little brother or sister being strapped to one of those rockets!
Yeah smarty pants now what will they do? They’ve waited for a year to have that one moment when no one will know their secret affection for fireworks!
They’ve put up with the adolescence name calling, shin kicking, hair pulling, arm biting, and waking up countless mornings with spit balls all over their faces… and for what?
Yeah… that one moment when they can picture these little imps soaring into the air kicking and screaming as they pull away from earth toward their impending doom!
“AHHHHHHH I’M SORRY SALLY SUE!”
“BYE BYE JUNIOR, I’LL MISS YOU!”
Poor little Sally Sue won’t be gleefully jumping for joy at the rockets explosion as she secretly surmises her little tormentor suddenly being blown into tiny little colorful sparkling flakes of burnt paper!
Nor will she experience the rush of anxiety release when the second rocket blasts off with little Junior attached again, just in case there was anything left of him!
Then there’s the Grand Finally, when in poor little Sally Sue’s mind she could see all of her tormenting, classmates, parents, teachers, and Mrs. Schmukminders little ankle biting poodle go soaring off into oblivion, but she won’t get to see that this year, why?
BECAUSE THERE WON’T BE ANY FIREWORKS!
No, my fellow Americans, she’ll be sitting on the curb in front of her house, on the 4th of July, elbows propped on her knees, head in her hands, wondering how she will endure yet another year of endless impish attacks!
Oh say can you see the errors in your actions; can you see what you’ve done to one of your future voters? Now multiply this by thousands of little Sally Sue’s across the country and what do you have?
Thousands of hateful bitchy neurotic divorced alcoholic unemployed overweight ugly high school dropouts bleeding the system for food stamps, health care, social security, and rent!
Seems to me that it would be cheaper to have a fireworks display once a year!
So congratulations to all those responsible for screwing up the future of our society even more!
You get the Snarp Farkle Assbag Award this year!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
Brains…Who Needs Them?
Have you ever had someone say to you:
“If you had any brains… you’d be dangerous!”
Yeah me too! Thousands of times!
This often happens to me when I purposely cause a distraction to a rather boring conversation.
I would usually do this by crossing my eyes or putting my finger up my nose, something… anything to get this person to stop talking!
Or when after listening for over an hour of boring instructions on how to do something that I really don’t want to do anyway, I do it all wrong!
This used to happen whenever I was starting a new job which I didn’t want to take, that I wasn’t suited for, but had to take so I could get a paycheck.
Yeah… you’ve been there!
Your brain isn’t even able to comprehend what this robot is trying to tell you, it’s thinking of finding a way to get the hell out of there and find something else!
But the last time I was told this by someone, I decided to descend to the deepest crevices of my cavernous mind to find the true meaning to this often bewildering verbiage attack.
I mean what are they implying? If I didn’t have a brain I wouldn’t be able to stand there let alone listen to them flapping their lips! They’re not fooling me you need a brain to make both of those functions work!
So what is it that they are trying to say?
Perhaps they’re implying that I don’t have a mind, but then again it should be obvious that I do or I wouldn’t be able to think of all the ways I can get them to shut up! It takes a mind to do that!
No my friends… they are not implying that we don’t have a mass of grey matter floating about in our cranial cavities, they are, however, implying that this grey matter must be malfunctioning!
And they would be correct since they in fact caused the malfunction with their boring conversations or unwanted instructions to begin with!
What it really is, I think, is a direct reaction to their inability to carry on a conversation with, or give intelligent instructions to, someone that has a superior mind!
Their frustration takes over and they just blurt out this purposely vulgar attack on your superior intellect to compensate for, and draw your attention away from, their inability to keep control of the conversation, thus control over you!
Sure it would be nicer for them to say, ”Your grey matter must be malfunctioning!”, but then you’d lose out on all intellectual benefits they’ve just handed to you!
Hmm… “Snarp are you saying this really isn’t an insult?”
BINGO!! You got it! They’ve just complemented your superior intellect, you should immediately thank them and say, “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!”, thus throwing them into an intellectual tailspin!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com
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