Mad Dog On The Loose!
Well now, would you believe that some people took offense to my last article? I was asked to predict the outcome of the presidential election… it was NOT my fault! How was I to know that more perfectly sane people would all of a sudden turn into “Electacians” (ee-lek-tay-shuns)?
Like one of my best friends, Olive Oil for instance. She’s engaged to Brutus… yeah Popeye is out; he’s probably buried in the back yard somewhere! She said that my article sounded like I was angry… humm that’s just what an Electacian would say, but no, not Olive Oil, she’s too smart to fall for that crap.
Then again, the day after the election I was invited to Olive’s for a “grubinmovie”, that’s short for “grub and a movie”, and during the movie Olive starts googling Obama on the internet. All during the movie she’s asking us, “Did you know that he was this…, and he did that… and on and on and poor Brutus and I just looked at each other and shook our heads in disbelief!
Yeah that confirms it, she has caught the “Electotarium Disease”! I can’t believe it… I thought I immunized all my friends and family, damn must have been a week batch!
However Olive Oil is not alone in her suffering, I’ve noticed a lot of google-eyed newly formed Electacians all spouting how wonderful Obama is and how he’s going to bring us out of the eight year puppet show with a wave of a magic wand and everything is going to be so marvelous… life is going to be so grand!
I’m just waiting for the press release that tells us that he’s officially changing his name to “Jesus Obama” and how he’s going to turn water into “Mad Dog” every Thursday at Ten! (mad dog is a brand of really cheap, really nasty wine)
I can just hear the radio commercials for that one…
“He’s amazing!”
“He’s astonishing!”
“He’s fantastic!”
“Heeeeees Jesus Obama!”
”Watch as he turns your jug of water into wine right before your eyes!”
“You’ll be amazed at the choice of flavors, astonished at the beautiful labeling with Jesus Obama’s smiling face!”
“You’ll feel fantastic after consuming several gallons of what was once just plain ordinary water!”
“Stay tuned for your chance to win two free tickets to the Jesus Obama Road Show coming to your neighborhood soon!”
“Just be caller number seven when you hear three mourning dove “coo’s” and you and a friend will get front row seats when the Jesus Obama Road Show comes to your city!”
Then there will be one of those really fast disclaimers saying:
“Be sure to bring plenty of cash because now you’ll have to pay the over inflated wine tax for what was once your water, and let’s not forget the newly passed miracle tax, and there’s the astonishing beautiful label tax, and of course your local state, county, city, and or rural sales taxes!”
Pa-leeeeze people wake up! He is first and foremost a p-p-p-politician, and what do p-p-p-politicians do? Find new creative ways to get more of that dirty old cash out of your wallet! It’s been that way for thousands of years for thousands of governments.
We just need to find new and creative ways to get some of it back… just like we’ve always done!
~ Snarp
Now You’ve Done It!
I am writing this article on Halloween Eve and what fun… after attending a masquerade party this weekend we’ll be able attend another one on Election Day!
No-No-No… DO NOT wear a costume when you go to vote, that’s reserved for the political candidates, you could be mistaken for a one and be hounded by thousands of “Electacians” (ee-lek-tay-shuns) hoping for a surprise visit from their favorite candidate!
You’ll know if one shows up, just look for someone dressed up like a snake, earth worm, or maybe a cockroach. Or like the current president who wore a Howdy Doody
Hmmm… hard to tell if he ever took it off! I mean he still looks like Howdy Doody… still talks like Howdy Doody… still acts like Howdy Doody and still has someone else pulling his strings!
How sad… poor little Georgie will be out of the house… what will he do? Wait a minute… we’ll have to pay up the nose to keep him safe for the rest of his life! Huh… that’s Doody Tax!
You’ll know if Macain and Palin show up at your voting booth, just look for someone dressed up like a Medicare worker following someone dressed up like an old shoe!
Or if you see someone dressed up like Lurch from the Adams Family holding a leash to a six foot Mexican Chihuahua… you guessed it… it’ll be Biden with Obama in the lead!
Oh no… wait… what am I saying? By the time you read this it… it will be too late… you’ll already be holding your heads in your hands and crying, “What have I done?” Well here we go again, I just got use to the eight year puppet show and now what?
“What’s that?” Hold on folks… I’ve just been asked by the editors to predict the outcome of the election!
Oooo that’s a tough one… hmm… if I’m right I’ll be thought of as one of the brightest and most knowledgeable persons on the planet… but if I’m wrong… ooo that could be ugly! I’d be laughed at and ridiculed for years… hmm… well I’m already ridiculed and laughed at now, what the heck let’s give it a try!
I will seek the advice of my trusted Oracle… “Probabilius the Psychotic Psychic”! He’ll know what to do, he’s never steered me wrong yet… can’t you tell? Let’s go find him!
The sign above the door of the Oracle’s Tabernacle is made of large wooden letters painted gold, “PPP”, and the “Asking Chair” is stationed along the South side. That’s where you sit to “ask” your question. I get goose bumps every time I come here! The Tabernacle sort of resembles one of those closets that priests sit in for confessions, okay so it’s a converted out house, who cares he’s brilliant!
“Probabilius!” “Probabilius!” “I’ve come to seek your wisdom!” “Sit my son… feed the pig… ask your question.” Feeding the pig is putting a twenty in a piggy bank. “Probabilius, who will be the next president?” A short pause then… “Probability is 75%”.
“What the… well then will Obama be the next president?” Then I hear, “Feed the pig”. Damn another twenty, “There, what’s your answer?” “Probability is 50%”. “Oh come on, I already knew that, who’s it going to be?” then, “Feed the pig”. “I oughta…” “There that’s it, no more feeding the pig, who’s going to be the next president… moron?” Then he says… “Probability is 100%”. Well there you have it the next president… will be… a moron!
~ Snarp
